out de box

are you secretly obsessed with beyonce or something? somehow she's made it onto every blog you ever started. i think you want her.

i want her as much as i want another bout of gastroenteritis. actually, i think i want the gastro a little more.

man... what the hell has she done to you for you to hate her so much?

i don't hate her. there are very few people i can say that i hate. it's nothing personal you know. i even think she looks great... physically that is. it's her mind that i think is unattractive. i think her music is sheep food.

ha! sheep food. you have me laughing at my own jokes. but please, do explain.

it's just that i probably wouldn't have such a problem with what she's selling if i thought she didn't know any better. but she does know better. check it out... just recently the media turned some trivial relationship shit of hers into news. jay-z joined her in changing her name to knowles-carter. something about carrying on the knowles name and such.

family business.

exactly... family business. some people said it was a punk move on jay-z's end, but i disagree. family is important. he made a good compromise in my books. the only person (besides women who were only too glad to run off on some woman is boss tangent) who spoke well of it was my boy michael who said "if a man had to carry a woman's name, you couldn't ask for a better name to carry." it just showed that the majority are so hooked on ego tripping that even an outright selfless sacrifice like that (on both sides) is overshadowed by some trivial "we run tings" thinking. but that's not the point... YOU GO OFF THE POINT TOO MUCH MAN!!

aye... you were talking. not me. press pause on the long talk though.

anyway, the point is, she's living a life that's about being in a relationship... making preparations to start building a family... etc. hell, i won't be shocked if after this tour she throws in the towel for a while and starts popping out little knowles-carters. and they will have nice baby clothes and all the latest toys and money down for their college education before they even learn to read... all from the money of people she's misguiding.

misguiding!! you make it sound like she's the leader of a small church about to feed her flock some of that special kool-aid.

well sorta. people listen to her religiously and quote her lyrics as scripture in their daily conversations. they also congregate at various gatherings around the world, bringing with them big offerings so that she who preaches the word can live by the word. it might as well be a religion. the fellowship of the B.

quick... go get the copyright before she uses that as the title of her next album.

it's cool. she can have it. what i'm saying is, she's doing it like that on the home front (even though you never know what's going on behind closed doors) yet she's singing these disgusting tunes and people are just buying them up wholesale.

ok... give me an example of a disgusting beyonce song.

no problem... irreplaceable.

WHAT? how so??

connect the dots man. the first set of lyrics in the tune: "To the left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left..." what kinda freeloading dude is this? i'll wager a winning lotto ticket that beyonce will not really hook up with a dude like this. all this cat's stuff, can fit in a box. not even a mountain bike and a bed or something bro? but lets move on to where it gets really bad. so she kicks him out because he's cheating. and he obviously was not trying to contribute by maybe cooking some food or cleaning out or something, because she has no use for him at all. she dismisses him by saying: "You must not know 'bout me, You must not know 'bout me. I could have another you in a minute. Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby..."

what's wrong with that?

let's forget the fact that she's got another guy coming over which means she kept a little flame on the side, which she used to ignite "plan move on" before breaking the news to mr. deadbeat. let's ignore that and talk about the fact that she's calling this new guy "another you." how about "a better you"? better yet, how about somebody that's not you at all, with more things than you've got in your box to the left? but i guess a decision like that would prevent the repetition of the stupid cycle, thus making songs like these irrelevant.

you literal clown. you think people take that for real?

ahmm... haven't you seen the "shoulda-put-ah-ring-on-it" dance?

oh! you on single ladies now? that's a dumb song too?

well if you consider she's asking for "all MY single ladies..." to put their hands up and represent, while she's probably sporting the rock of a lifetime on her ring finger, it's kinda hard to think she's laughing with them and not at them. i could be wrong, but i really don't want to hear a vegetarian telling me about the best way to stew some beef. you're married... sing married people shit and promote that. now these girls are up in the clubs waving these cold, lonely ring fingers in the face of some willie bouncer. that's how you end up with a dude with things that can fit in a box to the left in the first place. but you see, music about humbling yourself and checking out real issues won't attract a $1600 TT VVIP ticket. i mean, how dare you suggest that people club less and think more? let's just bask in our delusions... come together and blame everybody else but us. now that right thur is some fun!

man, you just bitter.

yeah... keep telling yourself that. HAHA!! get it? telling yourself? you told me? i AM yourself? get it?

yes i did get it. laughing at your own jokes is a crazy man's action by the way.

and what? talking to yourself isn't?

not if you keep it here... an don't say nuttn.