new year

i sure did pick a hell of a time to start this project boy Q.

yeah but Q, maybe part of why i decided to start it when i did was because this is a hell of a time. this is an interesting time.

true. the end of the year is always a hell of a time. it's when things become obvious. things become real clear at the end of the year. why boy?

who knows? i just know it's a really different time. i can't remember ever having an uneventful, insignificant or uninvolved end of year.

yeah. i won't use any of those adjectives to describe a new year's eve. there's always something to announce after the firecracker smoke has cleared.

and it's not because of the alcohol. i mean, alcohol is usually around now that we grown. but alcohol wasn't always in the picture. alcohol is like a smart phone. if you have it you'll use it, if not... oh well. there's an energy that just fills the air, amplified by the sporadic bursts of explosions made by random fireworks displays.

talking about fireworks, remember that old year's night that i was bussin bamboo up morvant, and on one pass, the bamboo backfired fired in andy cap's face? hahaha. that was jokes!

not more jokes than the old years when we were playing with starlites, and bellies threw one into mr. carliste's thick lawn. all i saw was smoke... next thing you know, we're making trips from my water drum with buckets of water trying to put out a big blaze before anybody saw it. bellies was like a fire engine. we didn't laugh until maybe a half hour after, when the flames were under control, but we laughed uncontrollably when we got around to it.

what about when mr martin was cooking his old year's special "rice... curry chicken... an' dahl!" and he also decided to bubble a pot of black eye peas cook up in the yard on a three-stone fire. that night we were playing basketball and as murphy would have it, the ball went into his yard and straight into the pot!

that mr. martin always had a glass of johnnie in his hand didn't he?

sure did.

*silence*

you sappy punk. getting all nostalgic and dumb!

so what? a man can't reminisce? a man can't recall old year's nights gone by?

just playin with yuh man. reflection is the key, especially for this time of year. sometimes looking back can show you the way forward.

true that. yaw... happy new year Q.

same to you boy Q. all the best.
keep it here... and don't say nuttn in 2010.

george michael

do you find it funny that george michael sang faith?

not really. why is it funny?

maybe funny is not the exact word, but he was singing this song about a relationship he was trying to get out of, the person was begging him to stay, he was saying he wanted something more and he also didn't want to get hurt again. he didn't want to screw himself over like he did in the past, etc. thing is, we just had faith that he was singing about a woman simply because he was a man singing a love song. we just made a huge assumption. when he came out, everybody was like "what?!! george michael is gay?!! but what about the songs?". we never even considered that the lyrics didn't say her or she or anything that specified he was singing to a female. but in faith we saw a straight man when in reality we were looking at a gay man.

well, his image was heterosexual. so the messages we get would be hetero too. besides, a song is just a performance. he doesn't literally have to be singing to a man or a woman.

yyyyyeaaaaaaaaaah... not the point i was making. actually, what you're saying proves my point though. his image was hetero, but it wasn't based on fact. yet we bought it in faith.

oh. i read you now. you're talking about how easily we buy into things... even when we have no proof right?

can't get anything past you eh sherlock!

whatever brother. we have a tendency to do that though. it's just how we were brought up. take santa for example. we train our children to believe in santa without giving them the slightest reason to. even here in trinidad where a sleigh, boots and a red long sleeve suit with fur is totally irrelevant, we feed them the santa story. and we don't even have the decency to tweak the story a little to make it logical for them. we put on our sweetest voices and tell them that santa delivers gifts all around the world in one night. on a sleigh that flies. pulled by reindeer. one of them has a nose so shiny it glows. then comes the bad part. the reward for being good all year is that this fat man will fly his ass to you wherever you are and give you all the things you wished for. but if you're bad, he's not going to give you a damn thing. and we tell them this. make them write notes to santa, buy them gifts and tell them santa got their notes and brought them. so they can be happy, aaaand maybe so we can control them a little bit with "don't do that! santa wouldn't bring you your bike eh!". what kind of happiness is that? well... ignorance is bliss.

sounds familiar too. "don't do that! you'll burn forever and ever in the deep deep dark dark deep dark pit." george michael said it in careless whisper: to the heart and mind ignorance is kind. there's no comfort in the truth. pain is all you'll find.

when you look at it, it's not bliss though. it's actually fear. if i do xyz, i won't get my toys. so i'll do abc. or if i don't do xyz, i will burn in hell. what about doing abc because abc is good to do? even if no toys or hell is the penalty associated. how about not doing things for the big reward, but just being motivated to do good... full stop.

that's it. why give me some intangible thing to hold on to? just to control me? but then again, if i allow it to work, maybe i need to be controlled. i mean, if you want me to believe in unicorns, just show me one. i just need to see it one time and i'm good. if you show me unicorn food, or a horn, or a unicorn shoe. i'm not committing to that. i can't take that to the bank.

maybe you can't, but a lot of people do. just flip through the channels on a sunday morning. they're taking it to the bank tax free to boot. that's just how it is.

conditioning is a hell of a drug. me, have faith in whatever you want, just don't force it on me. bring your evidence and i'm with yuh.

i hear that. me, i'll just keep it here... and don't say nuttn.

the breath-ah-lie-zer (part 1)

did i tell you i want to start a breathalizer fund?

breathalizer fund? what?

i want to put aside money every month just in case i get caught.

why don't you just stop drinking?

man... you know that's never a permanent solution. at least not for me. remember how many times i stopped drinking? there always comes a time when you feel for a drink and you just let go. i lost a 2 liter johnnie on a bet like that before.

only you would bet someone alcohol that you would stop drinking alcohol. that's ahmm... that's really something.

yeah, whatever. you didn't come up with any brilliant alternatives yuhself. i wasn't supposed to slip on that bet anyway. i mean, i quit smoking just like that and never looked back. i thought cutting out drinks would be much easier. i guess i had it figured all wrong. a beastly cold beer is simply not an easy thing to ignore.

what's even harder to ignore is a good friend offering said cold beer... after some doubles.

you recall the transgression in question i see. but what now though? i am almost sure that if i blow into that breathalizer on any given day, i will score over the limit. I HAVE BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL STREAM!

well first off, you can start by taking the drama down a couple notches. jeez! then i think you need to get a breathalizer. is that even how you spell it?

hold on, let me google it...
HAHA!! it's b-r-e-a-t-h-a-l-Y-z-e-r. and you call yourself a copywriter?

i don't call myself anything. that would make me crazy. anyway, i think you need to get a breathalyzer and some alcohol. take a weekend and run some extensive tests to see what your real limit is. because you can't trust the gauges people are throwing around. i heard 2 beers... a glass of wine... nuttn about tequila shots... nuttn bout scotch... i don't know man. besides, everybody's body processes alco differently. it's about metabolism, body mass and a whole set of other things that i know nothing about. i say, drink and take a reading after every drink to see how much alcohol takes you over the limit. then see how long it takes to get back under the limit. then you'll know how to move.

yuh know, that makes some sense to me. maybe you're smarter than you look.

no. i'm just smarter than you. forget how i look. but seriously, that information is essential. before, the designated driver was just the person who stopped drinking before everybody else so he or she can get sober for the road. now the designated driver will have to be the person who can either stay or get back under the legal limit most efficiently. it will have to be scientific now. i think it's really a hassle though. a lot of people would be wasting money at the ridiculously priced carnival all inclusives right around the corner. imagine going to an all inclusive and all you can drink is 2 beers... because you have to drive. that is some rubbish. luckily i don't have to worry about that.

well, if promoters really want to help, they can consider offering some sort of designated driver discount. like one designated driver to every four people, and the driver gets in for half price. that could work.

yuh know... you might be on to something there. quick, patent the idea.

how about nah? so the mission is to get a breathalyzer. an accurate one.

that's what i'm thinking. let's see if this can be broken down to a science. we'll get it, test it out, get results, then we'll...

keep it here... and don't say nuttn.

keep it here.. and don't say nuttn.

ambitious are we? 2 functioning blogs now? you don't even have enough time for 1! plus this one is just for kicks. why would you do that? even if you wanted to say something that's not about food, why don't you just go to one of the many blogs you started before and just post it there? what's wrong with you?

well, considering that i'm asking myself questions and answering them, a lot is wrong with me. that's ok, because a lot is wrong with everybody. but to answer your questions self, i've learned that you never have time for anything. everything you do happens because you make time to do it. and like you said, it's just for kicks, so i can post here anytime. it's not like i have to be dedicated to it like the food blog. this is just for fun.

but why though? couldn't you just go to qology or the mann blog and do the same thing? why a new blog?

firstly because it's free. but more so because what i'm doing now is different from what the old blogs are about. hell, i even disagree with some of the things that i said on the blogs. this is a different vibe. different purpose too.

and what purpose is that?

i started this because i don't want to talk to people any more.

WHAT?

yuh right. that came out kinda bad. let me try again. i kinda want to keep my opinions to myself. i think people in general don't like alternative views. they also take a strange comfort in ignorance. they don't like debate. they don't like to share knowledge. i on the other hand love to hear different views, and i like to test them out too... which is where the debate comes in. but it almost always never comes across like that in real life. outside of some close friends, people tend to look at these things as argument or something else that it's not. so my solution is to avoid that kind of conflict... not offer ideas, opinions or different views to people.

but isn't that kinda selfish? i mean, if you think you can help somebody, or give them some information that they probably may not have had, why not try to talk to them at least.

but isn't it equally as selfish to think that somebody wants my help? if someone really wants my input, probably they would ask for it. if not, maybe i shouldn't be concerned enough to offer it without prompting. maybe. i think the smartest thing to do would be to subscribe to that old saying "speak when you're spoken to." and not "speak when you think you have something to say."

that's a saying?

no. i just made that up. anyway, for 365 days, i'm not going to offer an opinion on anything, unless someone asks me directly for my input. the people that want it usually do. i want to see what will happen. it's really a little experiment.

and how would this experiment affect your job? your job is about offering opinions and ideas.

yeah, but they pay me to do that. so that counts as specifically asking for my opinion. nobody is paying me to give an opinion on skinny jeans or religion. so maybe i should shut up about it.

ok. i think i get you. why the blog then?

well, what i'm thinking is that i'll need an outlet. so i'll post my thoughts up here from time to time. as much as i'm moved to do so. this still offers a choice. if someone comes here, they're coming to see. they can simply not come or stop looking if they don't want my view. but coming here is subjecting to hearing my view. i'm not even going to promote this myself. i'll tell a few people about it, and if they feel to tell other people, and other people decide to come and participate, then fine. and i'm going to try to tell people that will make an input, because unlike many, i like alternative views and debate. in other words, i'm taking it online. in real life, i'll be somewhat silent.

oooooooh... hence the name.

you catch on quick.

ok... cool. well let's see how it goes. i'm hungry.

me too.

that's because you are me. you're talking to yourself remember?

oh yeah. my bad.

so lets go get some food.
and you, keep it here... and don't say nuttn.